In my research, everywhere you look relating to what to do and what not to do after you breakup, you come across the most important first step which is the No Contact Rule.
Reasons for the No Contact
I have discovered that no matter if you were the one to break up with your ex or they broke up with you. After that heated argument that lead to your breakup. You both need a cooling off period to work through your feelings as it is just as hard for the person that ended the relationship as it is for the one that got left.
How long should the No Contact be?
The relationship experts say that the No contact period should be at least 30 days or longer, depending on:
• How long you were together in the relationship
• how long the two of you take to heal
Every relationship and every person handles situations and emotions differently; one person in the same relationship may only need 30 days while the other person may need longer to sort through their emotions, self-esteem and confidence.
Break Off All Contact
You need to have as little contact as possible with your ex during this period, which would obviously depend on your situation, if you have children together or financial ties, you would need to work out some of the details regarding these issues. Then make sure you have as little contact with each other as allowed.
Social Media is so dangerous at this point of your life as it could mislead you to make assumptions that your ex is having a good time without you or is seeing someone else. It is a good idea to block them or un-friend them even if it’s for a couple of weeks.
The Emotions You Need to Work Through
Although right now it feels totally impossible to survive this whole ordeal, this no contact period is so important for both of you to take the time with no distractions to work through your emotions of:
• Shock and disbelief
• Feeling of Betrayal
• Anger
• Sadness and Depression
• Loneliness
If you try to contact your ex too soon without first dealing with the above emotions and without a plan, it could turn very ugly as neither of you are ready and panic takes over and you and your ex both say and do all the wrong things which causes tempers to flare even more and then it can get really nasty.
